The Journey

The journey seemed so long. It started so abruptly, with no chance to prepare. We were swept along at an uncomfortable speed, unsure of the destination, knowing only its inevitability.
There were dark days, scary days. There were too many things to think about, too many needs pulling at us, demanding our time and resources. We didn't have anything left. We were spent, empty, stretched far too thin to be useful to anyone.
We clung to God as our only Hope. The only stability in our lives was Him.
I have no idea what our journey looked like to others, but I know what it looked like to me. It was worlds away from normal. It was nowhere near safe. It was far away from easy. We kept trying to adapt as everything kept changing. We no sooner established a new routine, when it had to be changed. Our children suffered, too. They felt tossed about, and missed the comfort of being home with mom and dad, eating meals together, reading the Bible together, playing together. Our lives were like a pile of spinning leaves, centered around the hospital and the two precious lives there.
We would have given up, but there was no way to give up. We would have broken down, only we were already down and broken. We had no choice but to keep moving along the road God had given us.
But it was not all darkness; there were lights along the way. The kindness of friends and family brought occasional smiles in the midst of our clouds. The support of the family of Christ sustained us in our weakness. We felt God's love in the visits, the gas cards, the meals, the clothing, the diapers, the cards, the phone calls, and the hugs. But most of all we felt His love when we held our tiny babies. His peace filled us when we held our little ones in our arms. Somehow everything was made bearable when we touched those tiny heads and hands.
And when, after 55 days, one of those babies got to come home, a bit of the burden lifted. Life got a tiny bit easier, and a whole lot happier. And when, after 70 days, we got to bring our other baby home, even more of the burden lifted. But the journey was not over. My clouds were not all gone. It was easier to smile, but we were not off the road yet. I wasn't sure if we would ever leave that road. The speed seemed much more manageable, but we did not know what God might have in store for us.
Now I know. I know that the road we were on is the same road we have always been on. It is the same road we will always be on. God is directing our steps today as He has always done. We are incredibly blessed to realize how His hand has always sustained us. He brought us through the darkness to show us His marvelous light.
That's what our journey was always about. It was never about fear, or discouragement, or frustration, or selfishness. It was always about Him. He wanted us to know Him and His power, His love, His comfort, His faithfulness.
I am grateful and humbled.
I live because He has given me life.